The Artful Jurist

With the beginning of this new year, the Artful Jurist celebrates its third anniversary as a law blog -- or what the American Bar Association likes to call a “blawg.”

I’m pleased to be able to use this blog…er, uh, blawg as a forum in which to present various musings about the law as it relates to the world of the arts, and I appreciate the comments and questions I sometimes get from readers.  Keep ‘em coming, and I’ll do my best to address them here, if I can.

To start off 2012, I’ve got a few questions of my own to toss out there.  These are questions regarding the TV lawyers that Hollywood presents us in all those various programs.  Let’s just call those “TV Law.”  See if any of these questions ever occur to you…

Q:  How come in TV Law all new clients just suddenly show up in person at the lawyer’s office to initiate legal representation?  I’ve never seen a client just come bursting through the door without an appointment to demand that he speak to a lawyer about taking his case.  Have these clients never heard of the telephone or email?  I guess TV Law attorneys just have a knack for knowing when a big case is going to come walking through the door, so they make sure they’re (1) in the office at that particular time, and (2) not in a meeting, on the phone, or otherwise engaged in any other case that wouldn’t permit them to see immediately an unexpected client.

Q:  How come in TV Law a case with a full-blown jury trial goes from initial client meeting to jury decision all within the same week?  Ordinarily, a defendant doesn’t even have to respond to the initial complaint for three weeks.  Never mind the months (sometimes years) it typically takes to go through preliminary motions and the discovery phase of litigation that occurs before you ever get anywhere near a trial date.  Justice is extra, extra swift in TV Law.

Q:  How come in TV Law none of the attorneys is ever working on more than one case at any given time?  Yes, they seem to be busy with some kind of legal documents when the new client walks in.  But then the new client seems to become the only client, and whatever client’s case they were working on before is never heard about again.

Q:  How come in TV Law no one ever has a schedule conflict?  In TV Law you never hear a courtroom conversation like:

“I can’t be at the hearing on Monday, Your Honor.  I’ve got a dental appointment.  What about Tuesday?”

“Tuesday’s no good for me, Your Honor.  I’m in another court all that day.  How about Friday?”

“Can’t do Friday.  I’m presiding over a trial, and we start selecting the jury then.  What about the following Wednesday?”

“Out of town all that week, Your Honor.”

“So that pushes us to the week after that, right?”

“On vacation till February, Your Honor.”

“February’s no good on my docket.  How does March look?”

And so now you see why, outside of TV Law, there’s no such thing as truly swift justice.